What Is It Like Being a Lesbian?

lesbian q & a

Being a lesbian is more or less the same with being straight.

Lesbians lead very similar lives to all people. They try to find that someone special; They enjoy being with one that they care for; They sometimes hook up without intending for a relationship; Some of them are looking for long term committed relationships while some of them choose to have a different commitment arrangement; They also want to build a life with someone once they’ve met the ‘right person’ and they plan for a family.

It is the same experience to be in love, chase love, keep it, relate to loved ones and build a life together. However, there is stigma that makes it hard for lesbians to do pretty normal things.

Here are some typical problems that gay girls are facing:

  • Religious institutions

  • Cultural prejudices:

    In developed countries, most people aren’t curious about how your lesbian dating works, or a man or woman you are with. It’s just impolite and not interesting to talk about it. However, in societies where women don’t even go to the market without their husband’s approval, 95% people want to know why you are not married. It’s not easy explaining to a woman who will never be allowed to leave the country by herself that you are a gay girl and you don’t feel you need a man.

    Sometimes it can be a big deal for lesbians who are from certain racial or cultural backgrounds, for example,  a traditional Indian family. Indian girls are expected to get married to a man by a certain age. I visited India and met many gay Indian women. I’ve noticed that most of gay women married men they didn’t care for, or married gay men, and then had a sexless, not-intimate relationship for the rest of their lives, having secret trysts or lovers on the side.  One Indian gay girl  told me: “Sometimes you walk down a street with your date or your girlfriend and some asshole guy will shout at you: you fucking lesbians. Come let me take you home and show you what a real man is like.”

  • Family expectations

    It will take some time for the family to come at a point where they don’t really talk about it, but you all know it’s there , which is common for most traditional families on any uncomfortable issue, and as close to acceptance as you can hope for.

  • Getting pregnant and then legally recognized isn’t a possibility in many countries, and you need a lot of money

So in a word, being a lesbian is fairly normal, but involves some amount of soul searching.  Being a lesbian needs you to figure out relationships with family, loved ones and other people. And, you will find it hard to set up a family. But more importantly, it means that you will date, love, and live like a normal human being.

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